Drawing of a Ship

Monday, 26.10.2015

I visited my father in South-Estonia this weekend. Father was ok. Endlessly telling stories as usual. Some stories I have heard many times before, some are brand new, and some are not brand new but he tells them differently each time. And he had made a beautiful drawing for his grave stone - a ship. As an old seaman he must have a ship on his gravestone of course. And as an old captain he must keep everything under his own control to have them done right. So he has decided to design his gravestone himself rather than trust somebody else. I don't share this attitude but I think I understand it. And the drawing was really beautiful. And the way he explaned every little detail on it - what is that and why is that. And I was thinking how nice it would be to film it all. But I knew that if I would take my camera out he would never talk it that way, so I decided not to destroy this moment because of my artistic ego. Then he was again talking about his trip to Canada in 1978 to see his father. He always does that because it was such a big deal for him. And I said there is a chance that I will go and visit Toronto next autumn when I am doing my residency in Colgate University because it is all around the corner. And that I could also visit his father's / my grandfather's grave. And he said: "Well, in that case I definitely can't die yet!" And he put his drawing away. I think he just likes playing with these ideas of dying/not dying and so, but the fact that I might go and see these places he has seen on his one and only trip to the other side of the Iron Curtain during the Soviet Occupation, all these places where he went together with his father just two months before he died, and that I can probably go to visit his grave my father has only seen on the photo - that no doubt must be very important for him.